1.2

The very next day, Shay was woken by Lambo barking and the sound of the rubbish bin being knocked over. She had to go outside in her pajamas and scare off a raccoon.

bloody hell that is one fugly possum

Giving Lambo a cuddle for his excellent "possum-walloping", Shay decided to have a think about how to spend the day.

when I told you to beg this isn't what i had in mind...

She walked Lambo to the park where they spent the day.

bitchez be like "tatted as fuk"

Shay decided to get some new tatts on the way home. The tattoo artist refused to do a southern cross on her hip.

Then it was back to the park to catch a performance and a sausage sizzle.

She was about to leave when she noticed a very cute guy. He was a musician and said his name was Des Eyre. That about summed up how she felt about him. She forgot all about DeAndre and flirted with Des for a while.

They danced for a while before Des suddenly pulled away. Did she do something wrong? Shay wondered.

She watched in horror and fascinated as Des became a zombie. Pulling herself together, she ran for it.

Only to bump in to this. Shay just ran around screaming until she bumped in to someone she recognized and he pointed her in the right direction to go home.

Shay was glad to go home and changed in her pajamas and stand on the deck fishing. She caught a nice goldfish and decided that could take care of dinner.

I have no fucking idea who this dog is but I hate him because he won't go away and keeps stirring up Lambo.

1.1

Walking in to town the very next day, Shay decided to meet more of the locals.

She met a really gorgeous guy called Goodwin but as much as she liked him, she could see his heart belonged to someone else.Besides, he was a hopeless romantic and she wasn't even remotely interested in marriage.

She was about to go home when who should she run in to but DeAndre! He was really hot in person and Shay kept giggling like a schoolgirl whenever her friend touched her arm or smiled at her. She had seen him so many times but what made this different? They had such chemistry. She decided to ask him to dinner at the Bistro.

He had a medium rare steak and she had a hamburger. She talked to him all about Australia and made him laugh. He liked that even at a fancy restaurant, she still wore a tank top and boots and ate a hamburger. He thought she was  funny and adorable.

He told her about his artistic pursuits and favourite artists. She wasn't really interested in art but smiled and nodded politely. She had no idea who Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali were, so she just stayed quiet and ate her dinner and pretended to care.

After dinner, he invited her to cuddle under the stars. She thought he was really sweet and was enjoying spending this time with him. She was thinking that maybe she had found love again.

The next evening, Goodwin was having a party and she was invited. She couldn't say no to free booze and free food. She mingled with guests then grabbed a plate of salad made by Goodwin.

She got home just in time to do some laundry and go to bed.

1.0

After I said a tearful goodbye to the Doherty family (fak u it hurt ok) I wondered what is next and decided to try a bogan legacy with the lanky Shay Hartley and her clueless, loveable mutt Lambo.

neighbours? gettin to be good friends? fuckin come down to Sunnyvale

Shay is a foul-mouthed, lanky Aussie girl who decided to go to Twinbrook to meet her email buddy, DeAndre. She liked it there even before she met DeAndre and found a little studio house in the swamp. It was perfect for her as she had enjoyed outdoorsy pursuits when she could be bothered to get away from the TV when she was growing up. Now she could spend her days fishing, gardening and cooking. Shay was from Sydney and loved camping, rock music, cooking shows and of course, Lambo. 

yeah yeah fuckin calm down you stupid mutt i'll give you a fuckin bikkie later

The first thing she did was get a leash on Lambo and they went exploring to find things. Lambo was dumb as a post and kept bringing her maple leaves and empty chip packets. She'd work on him a bit more later.

errr yuck that's fuckin disgusting Lambo ya stupid mutt, you slobbered on it!

She really liked what she had seen of Twinbrook so far, it was really old and pretty.

What the fuck are you doin Lambo? get out of it!

As soon as they got home from their nice walk, Lambo decided to start eating the furniture. Shay wasn't too happy about that.

gettin real tired of your shit 

After peeing all over the deck then getting fleas, it was bath time for Lambo. He loved being pampered by Shay. He loved the bubbles and the hair dryer.

it puts hairs on yer chest sweetheart

Settling in after her first day in Twinbrook, Shay had a can of some nasty-tasting soup and vowed to learn how to cook so she didn't have to eat that crap again. She watched tv for a while, some stupid Asian cooking show and went to bed dreaming of Hot and Sour Soup.

Lambo was tired from chewing on everything and decided to hop up on the bed and watch over his owner until she fell asleep. Shay slept fitfully, with memories of her first love breaking her heart interrupting her nice dreams. He was the reason she was reluctant to get married. They had been engaged before she came to Twinbrook. He was a jerk though and left her for another girl and made her feel like it was her fault for being such a tomboy. She was mad for a while but usually she always remembered DeAndre's words that those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. They had emailed back and forth for a year and spoke on Skype. He was much older than her but a big kid at heart and it was what made them such great friends.

fuckin wet dog smell

And of course Shay woke to Lambo rolling around in a puddle outside. He smelled pretty feral and she was too lazy to give him a bath so she left him to it.

It was a really hot day and Shay was glad to see the ice cream truck roll up outside her house. 

She was thrilled to see that they sold chocolate Billabong ice creams. It was a nice reminder of her previous life.

jesus fucking christ

After the brain freeze faded, it was time to go inside and get some chores done like playing with Lambo and getting some fishing done, in her pajamas of course.

Moby Fuckin Dick, yo

o bby soap me up.

After Lambo's bath, it was time to go to the park and meet the locals.

omg it's Celine Dion and Sarah Jessica Parker! Can i get your autographs?

It was great to finally meet the locals. First up was a cutie called Nick.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Sadly, Nick was already married. Shay thought it was wrong to tear apart a happy couple and inappropriate to flirt back anyway since they had just met and didn't know fuck all about each other.